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I spent a little while trying to conjure up my best Aussiespeak for this e-mail, but my heart really wasn't in it. Why? Simple: Australia sucks. What's it given the world? Mel Gibson. Yahoo Serious. Crocodile Dundee. Men At Work. Foster's. A government that still likes George Bush. I was prepared to give it a point for Lucy Lawless but then I realized she's from New Zealand; likewise no points for the Tasmanian Devil. And kangaroos are only cute in Winnie the Pooh and Shirt Tales; in real life they're apparently like big bouncy rats that can nest inside each other like Russian dolls.
As far as I can tell the country/continent has three redeeming virtues:
Yes, the best we can say of Australia is that it has produced an excellent theme bar on the other side of the world. This little basement bar (don't go upstairs; that's an affiliated restaurant too classy for the likes of us) was a treat two years ago, so we're heading back for our last hurrah pre-anniversary. (Have you asked to take a vacation day Thursday yet? Don't tarry.) Meanwhile, in Australia, I'm sure at least one enterprising young lad is trying to follow in Steve Irwin's footsteps by tormenting wild animals for fun and profit.
See you there!
-Mike and the Triumvirate