PubNight #653 (4/1/09) - 13th Anniversary at Swift's
So, here's what I heard the other day. I've put it into a list because, well, it's easier to remember that way.
- Jocelyn B and Mike B are actually long-lost fraternal twins. They went to college, found each other by mistake. Their parents deny it, but the B-twins know deep down that it has to be true.
- TK was actually the first test-tube baby in 1974. The public just thinks it was 1978. As it turns out, her parents have a fetish for petri dishes, pipettes and Bunsen burners. They got ahead of themselves one day, and voila!
- Jay has an interesting conception story too. He was conceived on a rocket launch pad. It was family picnic day at his dad's company, the 'rents snuck away from the others, the rest is history.
- Lisa A is a double agent working for the CIA and SISMI, the Italian spy agency. She is allegiant to Italy. Tim is a double agent working for SISMI and the CIA. He's just the reverse. They are unaware of each other's dual lives.
- Ricky is actually the first successful android designed by the Americans. He brings his laptop or phone wireless device with him everywhere because he has to. Otherwise, his battery can't recharge, and he will become human.
- Tarik was the first human model for the exterior design of the American android program. Loud protests heard in Washington DC all the way from Texas, Alabama and South Carolina squashed that idea.
- Bartus, Sawyer, Money, Raphy, Joel, Ben and Jesse are all aliens who come to PubNight just to discuss the end of the world as we know it in their secret language of beer guzzling gurgles.
- Erika is a millionaire. She tells no one of her secret so she will be loved purely because of who she is, not how much money she has. No pun intended.
- Hannah and Big Fuzzy Chris have been married for 4 years. For fun, their fantasy is to go around telling everyone that they're just dating and living together. It gets their rocks off every time they say it.
- Beth has found the fountain of youth. She is really 124 years old. She perpetually looks 29. The secret is that her hair contains this special substance. To gain the secret key for yourself, you have to pluck a hair while she is asleep and eat it.
- Vineel is a dramatic film actor in India. We haven't heard about him here because we can't speak Hindi. He films twice a year. His shoots are no longer than a week long.
- Stephanie is a comedic TV actress in Greece. We haven't heard about her here because we can't speak Greek. She films twice a year. Her shoots are no longer than a week long.
- Omar is being considered as the next spokesperson for Corinthian leather. He's been told to work on his Spanish accent. They say he needs to "sex it up, roll those r's, hombre."
- Chris K auditioned for the hit reality show, "The Bachelor." Producers told him he was rejected because it was too difficult to explain what Chris does for a living to the TV viewers.
- Megan B, Rachel M, Rachel S, Caroline, Alys, Chrysila and Jannette are vampire princesses, who troll bars every night. They have latched onto PubNight as their Wednesday night spot. They all belong to the same coven.
- Alison has won multiple AVN awards as a porn star. Her hit titles include "Breast for Success" and "Who's Your Baby?"
- Emily recently traveled to the International Space Station. She was there last week as one of "the teachers." Chris C went with her. He disguised himself as a scientist and got away with it.
- Jeremy and Stella fashion themselves as the modern-day Bonnie and Clyde. They particularly enjoy knocking off banks on the weekend. Once and a while, when they're bored, they hit up a bodega or two.
- James not only likes super heroes, he is one. He calls himself the Titan Torpedo. Alison swears she has worked with him on a film or two. James denies it. He claims his super power is a turbo thrust.
- Petro was revived from cryostatis 15 years ago. He was frozen in time back in 1941. His mega rich parents in Italy wanted a better life for him. WWII was not an ideal time for their adored son.
- Michal and Leila are actual time travelers from the future. They come from the year 3450 to learn more about archaic human history. Every night before they sleep they make comprehensive log entries in journals hardwired in their brains.
- Dan B has two secret passions in life: motocross and rock skipping. He keeps this info to himself because his friends have a tendency to make snide remarks all the time.
- Deborah, when she was little, was a curious little creature. She couldn't keep her hands off of gadgets, buttons and levers. She maintained the habit throughout adulthood. It turns out she was responsible for the 2003 U.S. blackout.
- Jen Na is chic. She's styling. She's also had sizzling affairs with some of the hottest stars in Hollywood. The list would astound. Angelina would shrivel if she found out the truth about Brad's torrid past.
- Rebecca was the true inventor of the iPod. She was hustled by Steve Jobs 14 years ago. His thugs beat her to a bloody pulp, and fearing the loss of her family and her life, she gave up her ideas. She continues to plot her revenge.
- Cindy wants to work in hospital PR and marketing for the rest of her life. She loves her commute. She loves wearing a suit everyday. For fun she gives herself paper cuts and dunks her wounds in isopropyl alcohol.
After all that, you still here? Yay! It's PubNight Anniversary. It's our 13th year. I apologize if your name is not listed. It IS NOT a personal slight. I went through recent PN archives and grabbed up all the folks who have been coming to PubNight in the past month or so. Trust me, I could go on forever. Those of you who were not named above, that's probably because you are all ghosts who USED to be around, but, what happened? At PubNight we have some special mojo called alcohol. We can give you back that corporeal feeling! Come to Anniversary. We miss you!
See you there,
Cindy, Rebecca, Jocelyn (and all other emeritus triyummies!)
