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My fellow Pubnighters,
Please join me for a very special pubnight event. In honor of my 35th birthday, I am annoucing my candidacy for the Presidency of the United States.
I hear your needs, PubNight. We are a country crying out for a return to an awesome Park Slope bar with 20 delicious, fresh beers on tap. We are a country that wants to drink those beers sitting in a courtyard in the center of the bar where we can enjoy the fresh, late-summer air. We are a county that wants to consume spicy tacos from the taqueria across the street while drinking those beers.
I am the candidate who can bring these things to you. My opponent doesn't care about your needs. My opponent wants you to be thirsty and alone. Pubnight, we as a country can no longer afford to be thirsty.
With your support, we can overcome these challenging times. Together, united, I am confident we can consume enough beer and eat enough tacos to boost the economy, and restore America's greatness!
Thank you, and god bless pubnight.
- Jocelyn